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by First Wives World on Wed, 02/22/2012 - 8:21am
Crying is one way of releasing our emotions. Going through a significant emotional event such as divorce is stressful, and at times it may seem like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. And you are!
Crying is a natural way of dealing with these emotions. After days of crying you may begin to wonder “Why am I crying so much; and when will this be over?” The crying will stop when you're emotionally ready to stop crying!
The media, and perhaps even your upbringing, may have taught you that crying is a sign of weakness. Television sitcoms tell characters on the show to 'tough it out' or 'suck it up'. Parents or relatives may have told you as a little girl 'Big Girl's Don't Cry'.
Society teaches us you’re a stronger person if you stuff your feelings deep down inside. Reality is that some of the strongest people I know, both men and women, cry when they feel sorrow, or joy. It is their tears that demonstrate they are comfortable in their own skin and care not how people judge them.
Let me share their secret with you.
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by Laura Caler on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 8:30am
A few days ago, freeloader number 2 was sitting on my lap before she was headed off to school. She’s almost 7, so she still fits on my lap…barely. As she was wiggling and giggling on my lap, she said, “Pretty soon, I’m going to be too big to sit on your lap, Mommy.” Sigh….
Yes, she most likely will be too big soon. How can this child, who I just held to my breast as a newborn yesterday, suddenly be almost too big for my lap? How is this possible? I know, they grow fast. Too true.
However, it feels as if my children are growing faster. I know that rationally they are not, but the fact that they are gone to their father’s for 10 days every month lends to this feeling. They go for five days, come home 2 years older. At least that’s what it feels like.
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Thu, 02/16/2012 - 9:27am
A community group was recently created on the social network, within which the question was asked, "when do you take your rings off?" The creator of the group writes:
Just curious... I'm still living with my husband but navigating through the process at there very beginning stages. I want a divorce... but he is in denialand slowly coming to the reality of the situation.
We have been married almost 20 years, and maybe five of those years were a marriage in the sense of the word. I have been emotionally checked out of it for the last 12 years, and within the last 2 have been talking about the possibility of divorce. Above all, I have finally retained a lawyer and am now moving in the right direction for me to have peace in my life.
The problem I'm having is he views my ring as hope, I see it as an issue of privacy. I don't want to have to explain to people why I'm not wearing the ring. But I also know it's just a piece of jewelry on my finger keeping people out of my business.
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by First Wives World on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 9:28am
I have (well-meaning) friends and family who all seem to ask this question and every time they do, it feels like I've been hit in the gut again. That word, DIVORCE; it has an visceral reaction with me, much like when ever I would see the word "AUTISM" next to my son's name. DIVORCE is something other people do, not me.
But the way they ask "How's the Divorce Going?" sounds so casual and like an "every day event" like "how's work going?" or "how are the piano lessons going?", like it is just any other event in my life. I don't know what better way they could iinquire in a way that would be less, well, jarring.
I think the problem I have with it is that it makes it sound like divorce is just like baking a loaf of bread:
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by Gillian Peirce on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 9:16am
When prompted to fill in the marital status box, I always choose “single.” The truth is, I am divorced, but since I never felt married in the first place, and I don’t want to be divorced, I often ignore that fact. I had a wedding, which I now call “the party.” Friends traveled from Colorado to Maine to attend “the party” at my family’s home. One of the few benefits of my marriage is that it prompted friends to visit that beloved house, which has since been sold.
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Posted to Community
by Delaine Moore on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 6:36am
It's a taboo subject in our culture: Married women, who dislike -- even hate -- having sex with their husbands.
It's a subject usually held in silence, behind embarrassment, confusion, sometimes even apathy. It's consoled with inner placations, like "There's more important things in a marriage than sex", or "This is just a phase" or "My attraction will increase when the kids are older."
But at the back of minds, a thought lingers: What if this is forever? What if I'm abnormal? What would outsiders think if they knew the truth about "us"?
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Tue, 02/07/2012 - 8:26am
I am about to become a divorced woman. Divorced. I may have entertained that idea at some point during the 6 years I spent with the man I married thinking I would die with or die for. But never thought it would become a reality.
What does that really mean? That I failed? That I could not be a “good wife” or a good companion? That I was not able to keep that man in love with me for more than a few years?
Or does it mean that I married the wrong guy? Maybe we were both
I am about to become a divorced woman. Divorced. I may have entertained that idea at some point during the 6 years I spent with the man I married thinking I would die with or die for. But never thought it would become a reality.
What does that really mean? That I failed? That I could not be a “good wife” or a good companion? That I was not able to keep that man in love with me for more than a few years?
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Posted to Community
by First Wives World on Thu, 02/02/2012 - 8:57am
To put it bluntly, when it comes to your own emotional and personal challenges with your divorce, the truth is all your firm cares about is if you do the job you were hired to do. Although this may be hard to hear, your firm does not owe you anything, as most companies expect their employees to leave their personal issues at home.
Further, no matter how evolved your workplace may be, most working environments are not equipped to handle an employee's personal issues. And unfortunately, divorce is a personal issue, and HR departments are often unsympathetic and do not offer adequate support (certainly in the cases I have seen and experienced).
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Posted to Community
by Laura Caler on Wed, 02/01/2012 - 8:46am
(I wrote the following blog two months after my Ex-husband left me for one of my best friends. While my life looks amazingly different nearly four years later, I hope many of you can relate, or perhaps find comfort in this article.)
It’s been almost two months since I’ve become single; although, technically I’m not single. Legally, I’m still married. Emotionally, physically and in every other way, I’m divorced. The day my ex left was the day my marriage ended.
I never had the opportunity to actually be single before. I met my ex in high school when I was 15. Aside from a 12 month break up, we had been together until I was 35.
Since becoming single, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned so many life lessons, that I feel like I’ve lived two years, and not two months.
Time has crawled by with its daily pokes and prods, loneliness, fear, anger, resentment, and yes, even joys.
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