Experts and Resources

Divorce can be overwhelming, confusing, emotionally wrought and downright terrifying, with so much to consider and too much to do. We know having the right information at the right time is critical to you, so we've organized all of our resource content into a simple directory to the left to provide you quick, easy access to all the tools you need to make informed and powerful choices.

Helping Your Children Through Divorce

Three simple reminders to put your children first

Posted to by Elizabeth Berger MD on Sun, 02/19/2012 - 9:00am

A divorce rattles the foundations of every woman's sense of stability. Well-laid plans that just yesterday made perfect sense no longer make any sense at all. And to top it all off, those kids! Children have a talent, it would seem, for acting up and giving you added stress — just at the moment you need them to be mature, helpful and their "best selves."

As a mother it's your nature to respect your child's perspective; this is the most powerful emotion on earth. But when you're anxious, stressed and demoralized, this innate capacity is temporarily weakened. The tendency to be irritable, cross, impatient, scornful or demanding with the child is very strong. Giving in to this temptation at moments of pain is only human

So how can you deal with your child at these classic moments? Realize that the very fact that she is acting up is a strong sign that your child's is not feeling understood. Count to 10. Splash cool water on your face or scream into a pillow during these times. Then put the divorce and all of its ramifications into the background. And tell yourself: "MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILD TAKES CENTER STAGE."

read more >>

How To Ask Your Ex For More Money

Posted to by Maryann Kelly on Fri, 02/17/2012 - 6:51am

I know, I know—you're already saying, "My ex will never give me more. He is broke, he is cheap, and I never see him." But this approach is worth a try, and you have nothing to lose.

The Bible has an interesting passage that basically states, "Where your MONEY goes, your HEART will follow". Isn't that weird? I thought it would be, "Where your heart is, your money will follow". In other words, I always thought people will spend money on the people and things they love...but it is the exact opposite: You fall in love with the things you spend money on!!! Maybe because you are forced to search for the value in it...

read more >>

How Gifts Are Treated Through Divorce Within A Community Property State

When a gift is not a gift

Posted to by Warren Shiell on Tue, 02/14/2012 - 7:53am

Valentine's Day is upon us. Some of us will receive flowers, others jewelry and others may receive more expensive gifts such as a new car. Wouldn't that be nice? You would think that a gift is a gift but in California that is not always the case. As a divorce lawyer practicing in California, I hate to rain on your parade but if you receive a diamond necklace from your husband as a gift, the law may not treat it as a gift if you ever get divorced.

This is very common where a divorce turns nasty. Suddenly the gift giver and their lawyer decide that all the gifts of jewelry etc. during the marriage were not gifts at all but property of the marriage.

The reason for this is that in a community property state like California there is a presumption that all property acquired during marriage is community property and must be divided equally in the event of a divorce. Certain types of gift are an exception to this rule but the exception is narrowly defined.

read more >>

Death And Divorce

Posted to by Cathy Meyer on Sun, 02/12/2012 - 9:23am

Recently I’ve had death on my mind. Thanks to one of our fellow bloggers here and her post about The Fantasy of an Untimely Death. After reading the post, I had to wonder what would the author’s life be like if her marriage had ended with her husband’s death instead of divorce. She suffered the loss of her spouse and marriage, but society’s attitude toward a woman who loses everything due to divorce is far different from a woman who loses a spouse to death.

Most of my clients are women whose husbands have left them for a younger woman or a better life. Just as a woman who loses a spouse to death, my clients had no control over the loss of their husbands and the lives they had built as a couple. Yet, society has granted the widow all the dignity of her position. There are funeral rituals, she can claim all her husband’s assets and is showered with sympathy and concern for her loss.

read more >>

Will a Bank Lend You Money to Buy a Home Post-Divorce?

Posted to by First Wives World on Fri, 02/10/2012 - 9:48am

Often times in the case of a separation or divorce, one of the main topics of discussion will be what are we going to do with the house, and where will I live after? Will you buy a new home or rent? As a mortgage lender we often see people putting the cart before the horse. This means looking for a new home or selling the old one before determining what you can borrow to buy the next home.  It is important to get your ducks in a row with your finances. That includes researching your borrowing ability so you can determine if buying a new home or refinancing the current home is feasible and in your best interest.

read more >>

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex's New Wife?

Posted to by Brenda Rodstrom on Wed, 02/08/2012 - 8:25am

Many people ask me if it is a good idea — or even possible — to become friends with their ex-husband's new wife. This can be great if it happens, but basically I think it's a stretch!

We choose our friends, not our relatives, and in a sense your ex's new wife is a step-relative. While there is nothing wrong with being friends, it's pretty unusual. Friends are people who have dinner together, share thoughts and feelings, and have a strong comfort level with one another. Since she is married to the person who you used to be intimate with and then divorced — which is not friendly — sharing thoughts and feelings seems pretty unlikely!

read more >>

When Being Too Motherly Can Land You in Jail

Posted to by Marilyn Stowe on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 8:28am

I once read an article in the Sunday Times that ruined my otherwise very pleasant day.

The piece by concerned a mother who was being imprisoned because of her “over indulgent” behaviour towards her three children following the breakdown of her marriage.

The unnamed woman had, according to reports by social workers, encouraged her children to make “serious allegations” about her former husband that transpired to be false. The judge remarked that she had “serious concern about [the mother] infantilising the children…and encouraging them to want to take an inappropriate part in these proceedings.”

Banned from seeing her children for three years, it appears that the mother is also facing a second jail term for posting a video of her plight on YouTube.

The articles I read were the first I had heard of this case; therefore my opinions are based solely upon the facts as they are laid out in the newspaper.

read more >>