http://www.firstwivesworld.com Comments en http://www.firstwivesworld.com/featured-entertainment/hot-flashes/episode-30-move-over-day#comment-5776 I'm missing Esme :( Thu, 24 Jul 2008 14:36:29 -0400 Guest comment 5776 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/marshall/did-you-know#comment-5775 Seems like appropriate dollar numbers to me. Can you imagine what the uglier, heavier, older gals have to spend. Some weeks, I say screw it. Other times, I am deligent. Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:43:42 -0400 sobe comment 5775 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/its-just-hormones#comment-5774 I feel so much better, I'm starting a crazy, (and I mean crazy! I must have been temporarily insane the day I signed up), workout program tomorrow. Yikes! Thanks for the props. Sun, 20 Jul 2008 20:26:44 -0400 Sarah Farthing comment 5774 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/marshall/why-am-i-still-here#comment-5773 My heart is hurting for you along with myself. Same story, but year 5 and now in year 10. I had no signs though, just found out suddenly and had my heart ripped out. How do we go on like this? I haven't... He is out of the house and I already have divorce papers ready and it has only been 24 hours. The first time I was willing to work through it. We did the counseling, the journaling, the heart to hearts, but here I am with three kids and I will have to find a way to make it. Both of his affairs started while I was pregnant with my last two children, what better time to betray, right... The first time we were having lots of problems and I convinced myself that I deserved some blame, this time our marriage has been happy and strong and I realized that it has nothing to do with me. No matter how strong our marriage is, he is weak and selfish. He won't change as long as you stay because he doesn't have to. Be strong, you deserve better. Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:22:00 -0400 Guest comment 5773 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/its-just-hormones#comment-5772 Thanks Sarah. Super important message. I have felt everything you described and want to chime in. Get checked - the other side with the right medicine feels so much better!! Sat, 19 Jul 2008 13:28:17 -0400 Guest comment 5772 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/debbie-nigro/yoga-stoned#comment-5771 I had the exact same reaction during my first Hot Yoga class. How can you hold those poses when there's sweat pouring off every inch of your body? I felt like I was going to pass out several times. Now I take regular Vinyasa Yoga classes and I'm much happier. I'm just not wired for Hot Yoga. I'll be pretty impressed if you go back. Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:09:14 -0400 Sarah Farthing comment 5771 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/resource/debbie-does-divorce/debbie-nigro/he-said-she-said-part-1#comment-5770 I really enjoyed this one.Tony is adorable! After 9 months of living alone, I have to agree with you on the last question! Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:33:41 -0400 Sarah Farthing comment 5770 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/featured-entertainment/hot-flashes/episode-6-a-little-something-the-side#comment-5769 NO WAY!! My husband cheated on me with everything that would open its legs, and you know what? They all knew he was married...one of them was out BABYSITTER!!! I could not do to any other woman what those women and my husband have done to me. Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:35:41 -0400 sandyrbonner comment 5769 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/marshall/did-you-know#comment-5768 I am currently in this situation and it is emotionally draining. I don't know who or what I am anymore. I'm still married, but I'm not. My husband started refusing to support us financially as his relationship with the "other woman" became more intense. They have a 1 year old son together, at that point, although he begged me not to, I filed for divorce, I just couldn't take it anymore. He would not give her up and would not support us, I felt I had no other choice. It has been hellish since then, he has avoided being served notices, which mean I still can't get any financial relief, while in the meantime he and she are meeting each other all over the world. The divorce from bed and board has its advantages (marital property and finances are still accruing even though you are separated; and you get to continue your health insurance) but its disadvantages are tremendous, a feeling of being in Limbo with no relief or end in sight. Thu, 17 Jul 2008 09:37:48 -0400 sandyrbonner comment 5768 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/debbie-nigro/morning-i-tied-one#comment-5766 What a cute story, and the depth...you really are a good friend and how refreshing to know they still exist. Blessings.... Dorothy from grammology Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:59:34 -0400 Guest comment 5766 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/megan-thomas/fate-might-separate-us#comment-5765 My husband has worked overseas for the last 4 years, it was supposed to be 1 year only. He is also in a place that family cannot follow. It is also how he met his mistresses, including the one he supposedly had a son with (even his own family says the child looks nothing like him and has urged him to get DNA done). If you want to have any hope of salvaging your relationship, your husband needs to ditch this job IMMEDIATELY!! The women they meet and fall into bed with have only one thought ...a free ride to the United States. I've been through it already, and it has taken me the entire 4 years to finally admit that the man who went overseas is not the man who came home. I filed for divorce last month. By the way, we had a VERY strong relationship when he left and would have never imagined the events that have taken place in his life. Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:28:39 -0400 sandyrbonner comment 5765 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/resource/resource-articles/maureen-dempsey/dating-2-0-the-speed-dsl#comment-5764 My stupid ex left me for another woman whom I knew was a gold digger. I have some business friends who knew her from the gym and told me that this was not the first married man she sunk her nails into. Anyhow, he "lent" her $10,000 and I found out about it. I never realized how stupid my ex is. Of course, they are no longer together and the money is long gone. And BTW, she moved on to a different health club. I hope he learned his lesson, but I doubt it. Tue, 15 Jul 2008 11:16:31 -0400 Guest comment 5764 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/akillah-wali/the-hole-in-my-soul#comment-5763 I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is: you try not to let the job define you, sometimes being downright insistent that it doesn't. When the rubber meets the road, you find out how much you were wrong, and are left searching for your soul AND a new job. Irony of ironies, we now have two full-time jobs that pay absolutely nothing. My family is also scattered to the four winds, but I find that having them so far helps me remain a little more focused on the things I need to do for myself. I know they love and support me, and would do it from wherever they happened to be. Hang in there. Things will get better - they have to ;) Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:19:54 -0400 Akillah Wali comment 5763 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/akillah-wali/the-hole-in-my-soul#comment-5762 I feel your pain. After 21 years at the same company I was severed 6 months ago and am still unable to find employment. Having no job or close family nearby, I feel like I'm in an abyss of nothingness; one day runs into the next..is it Saturday or Wednesday? Sad how much our jobs define us! Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:47:44 -0400 Guest comment 5762 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/resource/legal-experts/laurie-puhn/how-divorce-your-divorce-attorney#comment-5761 As a divorce attorney, I agree many of these tips are useful. However, it is imperative to remember that the legal process, especially civil matters, takes time. It is rare that a divorce happens within 30 days or less. Divorce is an emotional time for all the parties involved. It is the job of the attorney to guide their client through the legal and business matters of divorce, not be an emotional counselor or support system. While there is a lot of hurt and anger in the divorce process, a therapist is the best person to contact with the emotional baggage. A therapist is trained in those matters and are usually less expense then an attorney. Attorneys, especially associate attorneys, have to charge the client every time they talk to the client even if the attorney has nothing to report. I always advise my clients to talk to my assistants. In many cases, the assistant can answer questions or they have to ability to ask the question and get back to the client in a faster matter. They are also billed out at a less expensive amount. As an attorney, I spend a lot of time out of the office in court. I have about 100 files and it is not always feasible to get back to my clients immediately. Many people walk into a divorce angry and hurt. Those feelings are understandable. However, the legal system is not an effective manner in which to express those emotions. 90% of the time when parties end up litigating divorce issues, neither party ends up happy. Always remember the more the parties argue, the longer the process takes and the higher the attorney's fees become. When a person is in a situation where they are battling with a spouse, sometimes it is just as important to recognize everything the litigation costs, not just the assets they are fighting over. A person must decide if it is worth fighting over an asset that will end up being worthless after all of the attorney fees and other costs are paid. Another expense that is also overlooked is the emotional expense. It is hard to move forward with your life when a divorce is hanging over your head. Sometimes, the benefits of moving forward outweigh the value of an asset. An attorney is not a miracle worker. Every state has different laws regarding the division of assets. Unless protected by pre-nuptial agreements or not held as a martial asset, the assets will have to be divided. This is the time to compromise with your spouse. Marriage is about give and take and in many respects, so is divorce. I always ask my clients to outline what they would like from the divorce and to prioritize what is the most important items. Then I proceed to give them a generic outline of the law and what may happen in their case. Unrealistic expectations should be addressed as soon as possible. In regards to attorney bills, an attorney is likely to keep your file if you don't pay the bill. Clients are entitled to monthly billing and if you don't receive a bill, contact your attorney and request one. This way you can keep track of what has been completed, what is going on and how much of the retainer has been used. It is also a way to check for double charges and other mistakes that might be made on the bill. It's also the time to question the attorney about the charges on the bill. I do not recommend waiting until the divorce is complete or the attorney is in front of the judge requesting attorney's fees. Keeping track of billing statements is also an effective means of finding out what is going on with the divorce. Lastly, remember that as a client, you will be paying for the services of an attorney. This can be costly. An attorney should provide the party with a retainer agreement that outlines the hourly rates and how the client will be billed. It surprises me that most people don't fully read this agreement prior to signing and even worse, they don't ask questions. Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:14:23 -0400 Guest comment 5761 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com