To put it bluntly, when it comes to your own emotional and personal challenges with your divorce, the truth is all your firm cares about is if you do the job you were hired to do. Although this may be hard to hear, your firm does not owe you anything, as most companies expect their employees to leave their personal issues at home.
Further, no matter how evolved your workplace may be, most working environments are not equipped to handle an employee's personal issues. And unfortunately, divorce is a personal issue, and HR departments are often unsympathetic and do not offer adequate support (certainly in the cases I have seen and experienced).
After I moved out of a very abusive relationship, I realized I didn't know who I was. I stood in a shitbox apartment with thin walls and small rooms, and I thought of everything I used to be and what I was now.
I was nothing. I was hollow. I was worn down and tired out, and I felt ugly and undesirable. Toss in being fully responsible for a teen and a toddler, and I felt ... well, like a mom. Not a person. Not Julie.
Who was Julie? For almost 10 years, my partner told me what I was stupid, slow, naïve, useless, unthinking, and uncaring. I'd been told those things long enough that I almost believed them. I had no hobbies and no friends. Those weren't permitted. I had no support system. I barely had a job, too. Earning money was a no-no.
But now I was free. The opportunities of relearning who I was were amazing. I could do anything! No one would complain or criticize or tell me that I wasn't allowed. No one controlled my future but me.
I noticed on the profile section there isn't really a way to post a site that you maintain, and some of the women on the site are entrepreneurs or career women.
Seems like a disconnect to me, especially when so many of us may be able to help the other women on the site with the expertise and businesses that we run or own. So I'm creating a place to post your link and a brief description of your expertise.
This is not to advertise, but to give our sisters the opportunity to make use of the biggest resource on the site. The women ;) Call it the First Wives Yellow Pages.
**How to post** You need to start a discussion and then put your info into it.
It has come to my attention that the message board starts posting over old posts when a certain number gets hit. Title the discussion with a very basic title as in "Nerd for computer needs" or something like that. Use keywords so women can ctrl+F search for the help they need. Keep your actual post basic and leave contact information as possible.
We never know what life holds for us. Growing up, all I ever wanted out of life was a college education and a husband who loved me. I grew up in the day and age where this signified security for girls. I was conditioned to believe it and thought that everything would simply fall into place for me as long as I was a good wife and mother. Well, surprise, surprise! It took 40 years of living for life to teach me that it didn’t happen that way.
I am now a 60-year-old, twice-divorced woman with a very gifted and talented 33-year-old son. I was devastated after both divorces but especially devastated after the second. I thought I had matured and had learned to make better decisions for myself. I was depressed, upset with myself and had a very negative attitude towards men. But, I had two people on my side; God and my son.
The following community-created discussion threads have been organized by various topics relevant to navigating divorce to help you find advice and support, and connect more easily with others going through similiar issues or challenges of divorce (display names and avatars are not used here for privacy sake).
I am creating a new single divorced girl business rule. All business lunches with charming men will be now be held on Fridays! You have a glass of wine, hopefully share a couple of laughs, talk a little business turkey and then later once you get home, you don't care if you go out...because you feel like you have been out! Happened yesterday to me.
A couple weeks ago, I briefly met an interesting potential business contact at a gathering of unique businesspeople, and as is my style, I called to arrange a follow up meeting. He suggested lunch at a restaurant on Park Ave in NYC. There wasn't much conversation in between, and I was only interested in discussing business.
I was all bundled up in layers when I arrived and spotted him waiting at the bar. A warm hello and then he offered to take my coat for me. Okay, then I love chivalry. He patiently and gallantly waited while I took off layer after layer, my coat and hat and scarf, and whisked them away to safety.
Guess what? Like Madonna, I am stumbling, shaking, smashing, and dancing my way through the effects of my divorce. From the interviews I've read, she's not having an easy time of it.
Even though it seems she'll hang onto most of her cool hundreds of millions, someone recently told me that prosperity isn't how much money you have, but how "well off" you feel. Honestly, if that's the case, then I'm rich!
The holidays can be a crazy time. Self-sacrifice and stress can lead to negative emotions, and leave you feeling vulnerable and tired. People like Madonna keep their heads screwed on straight by staying creative and expressive. They always remember to make time for themselves, because if you're not good to yourself, then you won't be good for anyone else.
This month, Madonna's on tour with her band. She says that keeps her from feeling too sorry for herself and all the messy divorce proceedings.
My band's on break this fall, because my keyboard player just had throat surgery and is on vocal rest. So the only tour I'm going to do right now is the one I'm taking with my kids on Thanksgiving.
