He wanted, in no uncertain terms, for me to change my name when we married. I should have known better. It was unspellable (especially for customer service people who were serving me from God knows where), unpronounceable (I introduced him by first name only the first three weeks we dated, because I was afraid I’d mangle it), and my birth name was much less confusing on both counts.
I was established professionally but I wanted him to be happy. So I changed my middle name to my maiden name and stuck his sir-name on the end of my moniker like an unwieldy caboose. But there was another reason I chose to become Mrs. Him; I was over 40 and about to become a member of the married woman’s club for the first time. And so, having my last name followed by a new last name — having, in effect, two last names — made it obvious to the world that I was no longer single and doomed to die alone in an apartment after choking on a ham sandwich. I was married!
Preparing and filing annual tax returns can be a daunting task if you haven't done it before. It is not uncommon to have this annual task be on 'his' list of responsibilities; so having to face this task the first year after your divorce can have one shaking in your pumps.
You may even find yourself visualizing the IRS contacting you, and orange jumpsuits in your future before you've even figured out what forms you need to complete.
Prior to my divorce, the last time I had prepared my own taxes, it was the one page 1040EZ. So after 13 years I was pretty much clueless on what to do. Now, I have investments, a mortgage, property taxes, etc…
I'm not one to mince words. If you think I'm talking to you, then decide to be offended or decide that there may be merit to the advice — either way, your child's welfare and happiness is my only real goal in writing this.
This isn't a fun time and both of you feel hurt and victimized right now. Whether you are or you aren't is not up to me to decide. Whether you give yourselves the opportunity to move forward in the best way possible is ENTIRELY up to you. Your goal is not to 'get yours' or 'see justice done'. Your goal is to move on, gracefully and with as little damage emotionally and financially as possible.
I know as human beings we shouldn't be looking for revenge. But in early recovery of divorce revenge and having your EX feel your pain is a major want.
I understand the trust issue. I have trust issues and I felt that I would never have a man walk into my live and give my whole heart. Through reading, attending a support divorce group and therapy, I learned that we cannot control others, while only ourselves. You will become strong enough to trust YOURSELF. When you trust yourself you'll know when the right person is there for you and you will trust that your relationship is strong. But you still can't control what others do.
This is such a process. Although the pain of my early journey in this divorce process I wouldn't wish on anyone. It did make me stronger. Yes I didn't want the strength at first. I wanted my home, family intact. That was not so, so I had to re-learn everything in my life again.
Soon after my husband left, I joined a divorce support group and found it very helpful. A year later, the facilitator stepped down and asked me to help facilitate the group. Emotionally, I was in a much better place then and agreed to help. It seemed like a good way to give back to a group that had given me so much.
Divorce support groups take many different forms but this one operates as a forum for people to share their stories, feelings and ask questions. The facilitator's role is mainly to make sure that everyone has a chance to speak. Over the past two years, I've seen a lot of people come and go, but I'm starting to identify the characteristics that help people move more quickly through the stages of this tragedy and those that slow down the process. Here's what I've learned:
The following was recently posted as a blog by a wonderful member on the social network, within which she shares some insightful points about navigating the process of divorce:
Some of you may not be famliar with the old BBC comedy "Are You Being Served?". If you aren't, go check it out. You will be getting a well deserved laugh.
For those of us who have been served, you (like me) probably remember the happy innocence of going to the front door to answer that knock and then finding yourself face to face with the woman or man who came to tell you you'd been dragged into court.
What is Being Served?
Being served is a legal process by which the court assures itself that all parties have been notified to 1/attend any court scheduled activities and 2/ get a lawyer if they don't already have one. In most cases, once you have retained an attorney your attorney's office deals with being served.
If you have ever gone to the post office and sent something with delivery confirmation, you have in many ways 'served' other people. The item is tracked and the proof is there that someone signed for it.
The court is simply trying to make sure noone can say "Hey! I never found out!"
