"Please remember you deserve your own happiness. Sometimes we have to hurt others in the process, but ultimately this is your life to live. Do what you need to do for yourself, while remaining true to who you are. (((hugs)))"
Crying is one way of releasing our emotions. Going through a significant emotional event such as divorce is stressful, and at times it may seem like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. And you are!
Crying is a natural way of dealing with these emotions. After days of crying you may begin to wonder “Why am I crying so much; and when will this be over?” The crying will stop when you're emotionally ready to stop crying!
The media, and perhaps even your upbringing, may have taught you that crying is a sign of weakness. Television sitcoms tell characters on the show to 'tough it out' or 'suck it up'. Parents or relatives may have told you as a little girl 'Big Girl's Don't Cry'.
Society teaches us you’re a stronger person if you stuff your feelings deep down inside. Reality is that some of the strongest people I know, both men and women, cry when they feel sorrow, or joy. It is their tears that demonstrate they are comfortable in their own skin and care not how people judge them.
A few days ago, freeloader number 2 was sitting on my lap before she was headed off to school. She’s almost 7, so she still fits on my lap…barely. As she was wiggling and giggling on my lap, she said, “Pretty soon, I’m going to be too big to sit on your lap, Mommy.” Sigh….
Yes, she most likely will be too big soon. How can this child, who I just held to my breast as a newborn yesterday, suddenly be almost too big for my lap? How is this possible? I know, they grow fast. Too true.
However, it feels as if my children are growing faster. I know that rationally they are not, but the fact that they are gone to their father’s for 10 days every month lends to this feeling. They go for five days, come home 2 years older. At least that’s what it feels like.
You’ve seen the signs. Probably while trying to exit a parking garage in a newly rented car. You’ve been driving around in circles, become confused and can’t find your way out. And while trying to backtrack you realize you are going the wrong way when, despite your best intentions, you come face-to-face with a huge sign flexing its muscles atop a big-ass row of nasty-looking spikes which reads: DO NOT ENTER. SEVERE TIRE DAMAGE.
Just curious... I'm still living with my husband but navigating through the process at there very beginning stages. I want a divorce... but he is in denialand slowly coming to the reality of the situation.
We have been married almost 20 years, and maybe five of those years were a marriage in the sense of the word. I have been emotionally checked out of it for the last 12 years, and within the last 2 have been talking about the possibility of divorce. Above all, I have finally retained a lawyer and am now moving in the right direction for me to have peace in my life.
The problem I'm having is he views my ring as hope, I see it as an issue of privacy. I don't want to have to explain to people why I'm not wearing the ring. But I also know it's just a piece of jewelry on my finger keeping people out of my business.
I have (well-meaning) friends and family who all seem to ask this question and every time they do, it feels like I've been hit in the gut again. That word, DIVORCE; it has an visceral reaction with me, much like when ever I would see the word "AUTISM" next to my son's name. DIVORCE is something other people do, not me.
But the way they ask "How's the Divorce Going?" sounds so casual and like an "every day event" like "how's work going?" or "how are the piano lessons going?", like it is just any other event in my life. I don't know what better way they could iinquire in a way that would be less, well, jarring.
I think the problem I have with it is that it makes it sound like divorce is just like baking a loaf of bread:
When prompted to fill in the marital status box, I always choose “single.” The truth is, I am divorced, but since I never felt married in the first place, and I don’t want to be divorced, I often ignore that fact. I had a wedding, which I now call “the party.” Friends traveled from Colorado to Maine to attend “the party” at my family’s home. One of the few benefits of my marriage is that it prompted friends to visit that beloved house, which has since been sold.
It’s February 14 and the first Valentine’s Day since my husband moved out. I have repeated the mantra, “I don’t care about this stupid holiday, I don’t care about this stupid holiday, I don’t care about this stupid holiday…” for several weeks, ever since the advertising blitz began in earnest, and I really believed what I was chanting. So why do I feel like crap today?
I have done my best to ignore the whole thing, but still, this holiday has seeped into my conscious brain and made me feel like a total loser. And in my mind’s eye, every Valentine’s I have spent alone parades in front of me, marching to the tune of “One is the Loneliest Number” and kicking up their heels as if to say, “You’ll always be alone like this…”
